Patient Portal

Feb 29-Mar 6  |  Patient Portal

Between annual health appointments and trying to schedule surgery this past week I have spent an inordinate amount of time attempting to find my way through various Patient Portals. This Star Trek episode fairly well covers my feelings about these new “self managed” health care devices:

Portal Inventor: “Have you made your selection sir?”

Spock: “Exactly what is it that I am expected to select?”

Inventor: “Oh, I’m sure I was clear? The period in which you are interested.”

Spock: “I see. This is a fascinating machine. What is it?”

Inventor: “Ahhhh…THIS is the ATAVITRON!”

Spock: “Interesting nomenclature. And how does it work…may I…”

Inventor: “Oh no no. I must ask you NOT to touch the controlling mechanism!”

Later on, Bones and Spock travel through the portal:

Bones: “Where is this place?!”

Spock: “Yes, and where is the captain?!